Slow down! The speed limit down the driveway is 5 mph, and it's enforced by our huge, pointy speedbumps. Hit one of those things blowing through the trailer park any faster than that, and you're liable to rip the drive train right out from underneath your vehicle.

If your car went missing lately, you can blame the monthly haulaway of unregistered vehicles. This month's haulaway netted 37 vehicles, 25 of which don't run and are missing a tire or three. Please refrain from calling SETI and the Air Force to report space aliens abducting your vehicle. Both agencies have been notified of the monthly haulaway and they will just hang up on you this time when you call, and the agency will block your phone number.

If the registration tags on your old beater will be expiring in the next month, you might want to get on the ball and register your vehicle, or at least forge some current tags. That way, it won't disappear during next month's haulaway.

Watch out for foot traffic around space #43! Our new neighbor owns a snack bar, and he set it up right there next to his trailer. Don't go flattening any neighbors who are just heading across the driveway for a snack, a drink, or maybe some fireworks.

Whoever has been leaving car parts laying around the trailer park had better stop it. All that metal debris in the driveway poses a real safety hazard. When a part gets knocked out from underneath your car because you drove too fast over a speedbump, get out and pick up the damn part and put it in your trunk or something. Don't just leave that shit laying out there for everyone else to run over.

Operating any vehicle, whether motorized or pedalized, while under the influence is strictly against the entire Vehicle section of the Tinbox Acres Rules and Regulations Handbook. This goes for your guests and your kids, too. Nobody wants to see a kid riding around the trailer park on his bike completely blotto.

Once again you all must be reminded to look at your vehicle after parking it and make sure there's enough room for another vehicle to get around you. Our constantly blocked driveway is starting to piss off the Fire Department.

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