You're all a bunch of canned idiots, Management swears to God.  First and foremost, none of you ever believed Elvis Presley died slumped over a toilet back in the summer of '77. There were photos in all the newspages and tabloids; photos of a dead, bloated Elvis in a coffin, decked in his finest white rhinestone-encrusted jumpsuit.

Last month, Management heard that not only is Elvis Presley not dead, but he is alive and well and living in space #54. What a load of horseshit. We rented that space not to Elvis, but to E. Aron Presley of Tupelo, Mississippi, not to any Elvis Presley from Nashville or Memphis or Opryland USA, or wherever the hell Elvis was from.

Elvis is not the only person on the planet with the last name Presley, and the E in E. Aron Presley's name does not stand for Elvis. It probably stands for Eugene or something. Besides, wasn't the Elvis' middle name Jesse? Yes-siree it was. Everyone knows that. Please, let The King finally rest in peace.

Another thing that concerns Management is the triple arrest that occurred in space #45 last month. We can see Dick and Holmes riding out of the trailerpark in the backseat cage of a cruiser; they're free to come and go as they please. But Jack? Doesn't Jack wear an ankle monitor? Doesn't something go beep-beep-beep at the police department if Jack's left ankle leaves that big square camper of theirs? That's why his nickname is Jack in the Box.

Well, let's just hope everyone learns from the mistakes of their neighbors and just stay the hell inside your trailers and try not to attract any more cop cars, fire trucks, news helicopters and the like into Tinbox Acres. Hey, the court's ordered most of you to AA at least once in your life, right? Well, how about if you just don't attract cops, firemen, and/or news crews just for today? What a wonderful thought to be thinking when you all first wake up in the morning. One day at a time. Easy does it and keep it simple.

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