How many times must Management tell you assholes not to strip your clothes off outside? We shudder to think of what drove dozens of you trailerpark residents to foul themselves and Christmas Eve by splashing around in the duckpond naked.

Were there vehicles in there with all of you, too? Fatty Daddy can't quit talking about how bright all the headlights were out there in the duckpond. Acres and acres of headlights, that's how Fatty Daddy worded it. That sounds like a lot of vehicles in the pond. It also sounds like something that could rack up more water pollution fines for Management to pay, so keep your damn vehicles out of the duckpond from now on.

On a brighter note, Management hears that Willy is in the nuthatch. Finally someone in charge agrees that guy is stark raving batshit, and locked his ass up. Good. We have our suspicions Willy might be a pervert or something. Let's hope they keep him there for a while.

Management does have a bit of good news to brighten up your otherwise dull existence. We are joining Tinbox Acres trailer park with the city's Crime Management Network! We will enclose a Crime Management Network newsletter with your rent invoices next month, that will explain the network in detail, and make you think all your concerns have been laid to rest.

The great thing about this Crime Management Network is it's absolutely FREE! That's right. It's not going to cost Management one red cent.  The price is shouldered entirely by you tenants! Isn't that GREAT? Don't worry, it won't cost you any money. It'll only cost you your Constitutional rights.

When your lease runs out next time, there will be an extra page at the end, titled Addendum A. Sign your lease, and also sign Addendum A and give it back to Management posthaste, along with a rent check, of course. You've got nothing to worry about, because Addendum A won't cost you a dime. The only thing you have to give up to allow Management to implement the Crime Management Network is your Constitutional rights, which were written 229 years ago anyway, long before you were even born.

Once you've shed those pesky Constitutional rights of yours, if one of your neighbors is suspected of any illegal activity, semi-legal activity, or simply weird shit, the cops will search his trailer. If you're worried that your neighbor might sick the cops on you, just sick the cops on your neighbor first. It will be very easy to do that once everyone signs Addendum A.

Just think of how much safer the trailer park will be once everyone is under control. Management can hardly wait!

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