What the hell happened to the crazy cat lady's trailer? Management dropped by the trailer park last month and noticed Dot's trailer got scorched somehow. At least that scorched trailer got replaced.

And what's all this noise Management has been hearing about a resident death? That had better not be true, because dying in the trailer park is in direct violation of the entire Health and Safety section of the Tinbox Acres Rules and Regulations Handbook. So is any attempt at cremating the deceased anywhere on Tinbox Acres property. Management hopes the awful rumors about what happened to Dot's husband aren't true.

What we heard happened to Tod was he died in the trailer, and somehow his body got incinerated. The only way Management figures the body got incinerated was if you trailerpark dipshits decided to save a few bucks and cremate him yourselves. That's just gruesome. Besides, it's dangerous to set someone on fire who's as saturated in ethanol as that homeless drunk Tod undoubtedly was.

In addition, rumor has it there is a peeping tom in the trailer park. Other than Welcome Wagon Willy, that is. Management has accepted the fact that Willy is a hopeless peeper and nothing can be done about that. At least Willy keeps his peeping confined to the trailer park and hardly ever gets himself arrested for it as a result. The peeping incident Management heard about occurred in a mall and resulted in a real, actual arrest.

Speaking of arrests, Management did notice that Marshal Arvin got the jail trailer spiffed up real nice lately. There's another reason to keep your shenanigans confined to the trailer park and  not get your asses busted out in town. The county jail is just as uncomfortable and uninhabitable as ever. You'll be way more comfortable in the jail trailer than you will in county lockup. Keep that in mind next time you start heading out of the trailer park and save the mischief and illegal shit for when you come home.

Please, for God's sake as well as your own, behave yourselves when you're out of the trailer park, and try not to attract ambulances and cop cars and fire trucks into the park. Thank you all in advance for your cooperation in this matter.

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