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January
1, 2008 by DJ the dope dealer. I know what you're all thinking.
It musta been DJ that sold Willy the Viagra that made him go ballistic
and cause that big ruckus in the trailer park. Well, I'm here to
tell ya, it wasn't me ..
December
2007 by Pop Feral. How hammered was I on Thanksgiving? Jeeeeeez,
I can't believe I ended up strapped into that gizmo down at the
duckpond. Ain't no surprise I ended up bellyflopping into that filthy,
ice-cold water thanks to that contraption ..
November
2007 by Davey in the snack-bar trailer: I'd just like to
start out our neighborly relationship by asking, where can a fella
get a dope connection in this trailer park? I looked up and down
the driveway (and even into some trailers) and far as I can tell,
this place is DRY ...
January
2007 by Welcome Wagon Willy. Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, my heart is
all busted up into itty-bitty little pieces. As you all know, Belinda
dumped my ass months ago for that hotshot demolition derby driver
Ramone. And she's still with him, despite me sitting in my truck
kitty-corner across the driveway, constantly watching her trailer
for months on end ...
September
2006 by DJ the dope dealer. I can't believe out of all the
trailers in Tinbox Acres, Maddog Monson picked mine to hide
in when the cops came after him. When the cops swarmed Maddog's
trailer, he not only ran to mine, but he showed up with about half
his body weight in primo hydroponic pot ...
August
2006 by Jingo the circus midget. Looking at me now you wouldn't
know it, but a hour ago, I was laying face-up on the living-room
floor of the trailer in a pool of my own sweat, fucked completely
flat by a girl midget with huge tits ...
May
2006 by Pop Feral. My boy Timmy went and wrecked not one,
but two of my pickup trucks this month. I blame Ramone, the
new guy in space #90 ...
March
2006 by Dot the crazy cat lady. Aaaaaagh, I can't believe
Willy dumped me and the cats. Not that the cats miss him much, although
they did like Willy more than they ever liked my deceased husband
Tod. The cats used to bury Tod when he'd pass out stinky-drunk in
front of the trailer ...
January
2006 by Welcome Wagon Willy. It's time to do the whiskey-tango,
folks, the hot new chick in space #50 looked at me. She's even hotter
than Maudine!
December
2005 by Lulu the neanderthal-looking chick. Oooooooooh,
I got a man interested in me! I'm gonna get married! I'm gonna get
married!
November
2005 by Pastor Pasquale, religious zealot: First, let me
start with a tale of a widower raising his son alone. One day, the
father and son awoke to discover the satellite TV reception to be
on the fritz. Not even the freebie stations would come in clearly.
The father paid a monthly stipend to the local cablery so he and
his son could have unfettered access to hundreds of television stations,
including several pornographic ones ...
August
2005 by Elvis Presley. Help! I'm being held hostage at the
circus. It all started out innocently enough, with me headed north
of Los Angeles to spend the summer at my rich ex-son-in-law's ranch.
I've been here at Neverland for two months now ...
July
2005 by Pastor Pasquale, religious zealot. As a religious
leader, I am sometimes asked to console the grieving when someone
passes away. Even if I had not heard the explosion and seen the
flames shooting out of the trailer in space #8, I would have known
a member of my flock had gone to Heaven ...
June
2005 by Maddog's ex and Doobie's ma, Doralee. I can't believe
my kid got 86'ed from Sunday School. All she did was scribble on
a wall with a marker pen. That ain't so bad ...
May
2005 by Andy the ex-security guy: Who'da thunk heavy construction
equipment could be dangerous like that? Not me. I mean, I've seen
that shit on TV for years, and I never saw it do anything to anyone
on TV like what it done to me at work last month ...
February
2005 by Pop Feral. I can't believe that rotten kid of mine
went and blowed up his trailer. No, wait, I can believe it. Darrell
ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, that's for sure. Arliss ain't
much smarter, but at least he has enough brains to cook his meth
over a electric stove ...
January
2005 by Welcome Wagon Willy. I can't believe I spent Christmas
Day in the nuthatch. You can't open gifts when you're straitjacketed
...
December
2004 by Dot's new husband Tod. Where am I? Is that
a ceiling up there? How did this ring get on my finger? Why are
all these cats staring at me? Is there a kitchen emitting delicious
smells nearby? I just can't seem to figure out how the hell I got
here ...
November
2004 by Pastor Pasquale, religious zealot. I finally dragged
myself into the 21st Century in August because there weren't no
religious holidays that month to otherwise keep me occupied. Ah,
idle hands are the devil's playground, are they not? And Pastor
is only human. So I got me the Internet. I started out by looking
up words I'd heard before, but didn't know what they meant. When
I got to the word 'fetishist' I somehow lost two weeks clicking
on links and seeing images straight from the stinky bowels of Hell
...
October
2004 by new neighbor Kevroy Gordon. Hooooooo-doggie, is
this place hopping or what? I never seen this much action in all
my life, not even when I was shacked up with that buckwild Latina
chick named Loopy ...
September
2004 by Welcome Wagon Willy. It ain't fair. I had dibs on
Maudine. I seen her first. And after I wasted all them expensive
candies and flowers and cigarettes and beer and other offerings
on her, none of which she ever accepted. All she ever done was tell
me she didn't want to be with ANYONE, then she'd call the cops on
me for stalking ...
August
2004 by Dot the crazy cat lady. I can't believe it. I finally
get a guy interested in me, and he bursts into flames and explodes
to smithereens in front of all the neighbors on a national holiday
...
July
2004 by Beulah's kid Timmy. Wowie kazowie, the niftiest
thing on the planet happened last month. I got to drink my first
beer! Old step-Pop Feral give me that beer as a reward for breaking
into some old fart's bathroom ...
June
2004 by Welcome Wagon Willy. I know everybody is just as
grossed out as I am about Fatty Daddy getting his lights boinked
out by them two old ladies up in space #40. I couldn't agree with
you more. See, I wanted them to boink MY lights out ...
May
2004 by Jingo the circus midget. When the guy who sold me
my trailer down there on the shore of the duckpond said I'd have
a view, he wasn't kidding ...
April
2004 by Dot the crazy cat lady. This past month has been
nothing but chaos, I tell you, chaos!
March
2004 by old lady Beadle. Be careful what you wish for 'cause
you just might get it. I got to find that one out the hard way on
Valentine's Day ...
February
2004 by Pop Feral. What the hell happened while I was in
prison? More specifically, what the hell was my wife doing with
that creepy pervert named Willy? And what is she doing with that
nuthatch escapee named Carl? A lot of weird shit's went on here
in Tinbox Acres ...
January
2004 by Andy the security guy. What a long, strange month
it's been. December is supposed to be all full of joy, what with
Christmas and presents and Santa and all the flashy decorations
and whatnot. December in Tinbox Acres was anything but joyful, at
least for us folks who lives downstream from space #62 ...
December
2003 by DJ the dope dealer. Every single problem I had last
month can be blamed on one thing --Thanksgiving. If it weren't for
everyone being all caught up in the spirit of giving thanks for
all the good things we got and all the troubles we don't, I'd have
been concentrating on keeping troubles offa my doorstep ...
November
2003 by Anil Roberts, proselytizing goofball. The Good Lord
works in mysterious ways, don't He? Why, just last month, God took
a break from torturing trailer parks and done something nice for
Tinbox Acres. Of course, I'm talking about the free cable TV ...
October
2003 by Welcome Wagon Willy. Am I the luckiest motherfucker
on the planet, or what? There's this totally hot chick named Maudine
in the trailer across the street from me, and I'm shacked up with
the wildest woman on the planet. Life is good. Just when I thought
life couldn't possibly get any better, guess what moved in next
door to me ...
September
2003 by Carl Bailey, psych facility escapee. When
I was still a inmate in the psych facility, everybody had to go
to this thing called "group." That's where a whole bunch
of us inmates would sit in a circle around the doctor, who would
ask questions that we had to answer in front of everyone or get
a time-out ...
August
2003 by Jingo the circus midget. You know, I thought things
were weird back when I worked the circus. But all that shit's baby
aspirin compared to what goes on here at Tinbox Acres. Even my impromptu
trips to the nuthatch and jail last month were mild compared to
the shenanigans ...
July
2003 by BT. The absolute GREATEST thing happened last month.
I got a job! Now, it ain't a actual PAYING gig or nothing like that,
but I got to break out my blowtorch and Rudy got to break out his
Skilsaw. We both got to tweek all kinds of shit together. Unfortunately,
Rudy got hauled off by the cops ...
June
2003 by Tweeker Eddie. What a long, strange trip it's been.
I guess cooling my heels in that jail cell for all those months
made me kinda forget what a wild, wooly place this trailer park
truly is ...
May
2003 by Doralee's ma Dena. My family and I just moved here
from Buzzards Trailertopia, and we'd all like to introduce ourselves
to the neighborhood. My name is Dena Binkman, and I have a trailer
...
April
2003 by Chuck, the dude who owns the field next door. I'd
like to know what's going on out there on my property. Every time
I show up, there's something rotten or stinky or burnt or just plain
WEIRD laying around on the ground ...
March
2003 by old lady Beadle. I've
lived here in Tinbox Acres for over 30 years now. I think I've done
a real good job of tolerating what all goes on here. I've seen terrorists,
sasquatches, huge exploding fireballs, rocks and other heavy objects
raining out of the sky, cop lights twinkling, vehicles splashing
into the
duckpond, naked screaming speedfreaks being pulled out
of the duckpond, garbage trucks
rolling by my trailer on two wheels, exploding trailers, a burning
gazebo, a tire fire and all kinds of weird shit ...
February
2003 by Maddog Monson. Why on Earth is Buzzards in a war
with Tinbox Acres? This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever
heard of in my life, and believe me, I've heard some stupid shit
...
January
2003 by Anil Roberts, proselytizing goofball. The end of
the world is nigh. The end of the world of trailer parks, anyways.
God's always had a history of punishing trailer parks with twisters
and earthquakes and locusts and whatnot, all the way back to Adam
and Eve ...
December
2002 by Arliss Feral. A really strange thing happened here
in prison. Not that strange things don't happen all the time in
here -- they do. But this is just so, you know, freakin' YIKES ...
November
2002 by Pop Feral. Did you know that my entire family, myself
included, is rotting in jail right now, just like the smashed fruit
rotting on our porch and on the outside walls? You can blame Harold
and Madge next door in #56. They're the ones what launched the fruit
at us, so it stands to reason they're the ones what called the cops
on us too ...
October
2002 by some dude who was gonna move into the trailer park but
didn't. What are you people, a bunch of hicks? Were you all
dropped on your heads as children? What the hell is wrong with all
of you?

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Copyright 2002-2008 by Paula Huff/Tinbox Acres
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